You always listen to someone else, but me.

You might not realize but you've changed. You make me start wondering are you still the one that used to care a lot a about me. Or is it someone else. I'm sorry for being so paranoid and insecure, well, that's just the way it is when you act so weird. I really do feel the small tiny gap between us now.
The way we talked when I just came back. I don't know why was it so awkward for us to even hug or talk. All we did was sit there and, chill? It wasn't wht I expected to happen when I see you. You just don't know how much I missed you.

at the lounge now, dead bored. flight at 2.55a.m. !!!

gosh, so many things happening now, and all i wanna say is sorry :/

i hope i can help you, but like i said, all i can do is advice you.

baby, i miss you already.

anyways, SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all!

Greece, here i come!

Leavin to GREECE tomorrow!

and baby, you take care alright? imma miss you soo much, i love you b!

<3

signingoff

xoxo.

HappyBirthdayBaby

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY BABY!

iloveyou ryanloongyuenhong

like I said, this is just the first birthday I'm celebrating with you, there is more to come and I will be by your side celebrating it every single year, with you <3

I wish you all the best baby :)

xoxo

signing off.

college is boring !!!

Nothing changed.

im so glad you changed, but if this is not who you really want to be, and you're just doing this to make me feel better, i rather have the old you back. but, if you've changed because you really want to then, yeah. im fine.

I GAINED WEIGHT! LIKE A LOT! I'M VERY FAT NOW, LITERALLY!!

I don't wanna die fat :(

You and I. I guess we can never be separated :) lol

I love you, thanks for not letting me go.

and thanks, for everything.

xoxo

its never easy to let someone go, especially the one you love. but sometimes, there is just something inside you telling you to let it go. its either you're not good enough for him or something else. its hard to explain. i can never put my feelings now into words, its undescribable. im like squashed in between confused and depressed. but like what everyone said, what done is done. if we are meant to be together, our time will come. for now, just let it be. and we both move on. and if whatever you said is true, and you mean it, then we will see. now all we need is more time.

say it when you mean it okay?! dont say things to someone when you dont mean it! backstabber! i hate you!!! UGH!!

SunwayLagoon with baby and my lil sister, celebrating her birthday with all the lil cute ones was awesome. Sadly, i couldnt swim, i had the girl-monthly-thingy. It had to come on the day when i thought i was gonna have fun playing with them! Ohwell, but i still had tons.

okay here goes.. its 2.8.2010!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JANICE <3

all the best in everything you do, and iloveyou.

and also Happy Birthday to my dear friend LEOUGYN

i cant say i love you cause i dont want Angel to kill mehh! HAHA. and you know i do! :P

signing off.

 I feel good telling you how i feel. but the worst part is, making it up to you when we fight about it. i dont know how to tell you how sorry am i when i actually say stuff like that. i dont want to keep stuff to myself and have doubts about every single thing. fighting with you is the last thing i wanna do. and i wanna thank you, for not letting me go. even when im being a total bitch to you. im sorry, i really am.

but these days, all i want is for you to care a lil more. during exams, i understand. but now? exams are over, so what is it?we have to go back to college soon, i have a feeling something bad is going to happen. something to do with my results. if i have to retake the whole semester again, i will be one step behind you, and also my friends. this is not something i want, but i have to deal with the consequences. but for now, im not back to college yet, i want to have fun.

i really dont know how to tell you how i feel now. i cant put it to words.

i just want you to know, i miss you, a lot. i miss us.

iloveyou.

GO ARGENTINA!!

we're all the way back here supporting for you! LOL

you can do better!!!!!

usually i see a fight coming up, not this time. but i was wrong. i called because i wanted to know. thats all. if you actually think again. how did i ask you. and how did i end the conversation. then you'll know my intentions. i called just to ask, to know whats happening.

sometimes i ask myself. what am i to you?
invading your privacy. what is trust for then? why cant i do what other girls do.

make me believe everything you said to me.

i know im changing, im trying really hard to be the type of girl where i wont really care who are you talking to. and i know i did. i know what i did wasnt wrong. i know i have the rights to ask and do whatever i did. and the way i asked. i know its not the old me anymore.

first and last

i know what i did was a mistake, i hope you'll forgive me.

my love

i love you baby <3

i'll always be there for you,

through weakness and strenghth,

happiness and sorrow,

for better or worse.

i will always love you.

x

the ones i love most :)

i may not know you, but may you rest in peace.
my maid just receive a call from her family saying her mom passed away. that's the worst news ever. not only for her, but to everyone. to find out someone you love left you, for good.

i have this two wonderful chic in my life. let me tell you something about them. they're awesome. thats the one word to describe them. i'll never forget about this two bitches who were there for me no matter how far they are. my calls to them, midnight or early in the morning, they will never fail to pick up and talk to me (but with their im-fkin-sleepy voice) lol. when we're together, we will never fail to put a smile on each other's faces. the jokes, bitching session and all the sarcastic things we say.
i love you both like my own sisters :)
till death do us apart. nothing can break this bond we have.
i love you ChongJiaYin SyanasYasmen

the other one mysterious girl in my life. lol, that girl is amanda. hahaha. see, even writing about her i can laugh. she can be a pain in the ass sometimes, a BITCH! but, we care about each other :)
especially when it comes to someone who messes with us. LOL. dont wanna talk about it so much, and she knows why.
i just love u, thats all!

and lastly, my dear baby :)
you're the one i love most. we might fight A LOT! but in the end, we still forgive each other and forget whatever happened. you're with me all the time, through my ups and downs. AND I SURE I WAS TOO! :P HAHAHA
im a very good girlfriend LOLOLOL. anyways, all i have to say is, i'm always here for you, and nothing can change my feelings towards you. ure my one and only. <3

mom, dad and my dear janice, i dont have to tell u i love you, you should know HEHE

x

whatever it is i hope i wont happen again :(

i thought you could prove me wrong after what happenned. but, no. you actually showed me that you're all the same! and whatever i have in mind about you people is right and never wrong!

mens. the good ones are no longer in existence.

www.ivintan-fckinbitch.tumblr.com

now i know to always think twice before i tell anyone anything.
i used to think i can tell you anything. not anymore.

you can't tell when someone meets true love, but you can definitely tell when they're in love.

never thought words like that came out from ur mouth.

sometimes, i wish you could actually read what's in my head

hmm, just a blink of an eye, 3 moths passed. well baby, we've been through a lot this three months. and we're still here, holding on to each other, not letting go :) i love you babe!
my lifetime partner lol.

i had enough of you. do one more thing and dont even think of coming back to malaysia, stay where you came from. you're just lucky i dont see you, if i ever see you. you dont wanna know what the fuck am i gonna do to you. you'll regret whatever you did, and what ever you're doing. dont worry, i'll never giveup, i'll do what i say i want to do. i maybe wont do anything now, but sooner or later i will, and i know i will. especially to you.

just two words, fuck you

making decisions? haha, trust me, i can really help you with that. if you need any help? call me.
i know you have my number :)

and if you ever need a job, theres plenty for you, in the bar, or even petalingstreet :) or whatever tht place is called, chowkit? :D

tell me if you're working there, i'll go visit :)

LOVES!

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

its all your fault, if its not because of you, nothing like this would happen.
dont make me start doing something to you. i dont want to.
cause once i start i'll never stop. you think i wont? try me.
i'll never let you go, and that i mean it. i'll remember you for the fkin rest of my life!
i'll NEVER forgive you. never!

becareful lil bitch, i'll come hunting :)

love me, that's all i ask of you.
remembering the first time i saw you.
it'll always make me happy.
forgive me if i did something wrong.

i love you.

college life is not as easy as i thought i was, it's much more harder. i thought people in college, all they do is have fun, well, i was wrong. people in there is not easy too. the one thing i learn about college, dont trust anyone but yourself. what my friend said was right, what im facing now is not yet the hard part. its gonna be worst when im out to the world all alone after studying. after looking at my final exam's results, it was fucked up. i screwed up! but im not gonna give up :) i'll try harder this term. i promised my bestfriends i'll study hard and we'll go to the same uni, lol. im doing this not just for them, its also for my parents, and most important, myself.

ohwell, studying is never easy. maybe to some of you it is, but to someone like me, who hates book, gosh! book is my worst enemy. hahaha! like what my dear boyfie said, love your enemy! lol. imma learn how to love studying now. hehe. since im planning to shift to amanda's class, im gonna be surrounded by people, lol. not just people, smart people. im gonna feel like shit there. anyways, its also for amanda, i changed to that class, and the both of us know why ;)

ahh, i dont know how to ever face my parents, i let them down. its only the first semester and i did so bad. i really hope i can cope up with 6 freaking subjects this term, since i have to retake malaysianstudies and also accounts, the two fked up subjects i hate most! DAMN! fuck fuck fuck my life ._.

and my new timetable is killing me, my time n boyfie's time is totally different :( i dont really get to see him. yeah maybe a while, but hehe its never enough. hope the class im changing to, our time will be, idk? better? haha.

i miss my lipgloss! when can we ever spend time like how we use to?! i cant wait till jiayin comes back from uk :( sigh. we've always been there for each other. lol, we never fail to pick up each other's call! especially mid night HAHA. times we spend together in highschool is unforgettable, sweet memories. and its gonna go on like we said it will. forever and always.

anyways, time to off!
loves.

xx

when i think about you, it never fail to make me smile.
now all i want is to rewind, and rewrite every line of the story of me and you.
baby im sorry, and i hope what ever is happening now, wouldnt break us apart :/

P.S. i love you.

this is torture, college, you, my parents. wtf?!
i just wish you could try to undersrand me more. try standing in my shoes for once. not so good and comfy afterall. i dont know who else to talk to about all this, no one seems to solve it, but you can. but i dont think you noticed that we're not so close anymore. we dont talk like we used to. and now, after what my friends told me. things just got worst, not for you, but me. there is so many questions i wanna ask. it just wont come out of my fucking mouth. FML.

i miss you, that's all i can say now.

had dinner with mommy, janice, me baby and amanda my darling :)
dinner was, good? but not as good as the really good time amanda and i had at skybar LOL
skybar was awesome. havent felt that way for a very long time.
we so have to go there again, this time without mommy and ma sister :P

ohwell, blog not private, so not gonna say anything lololol.

adios! hahahahahaha!

love u peeps!

i miss us

the times we had together. i'll always cherish it. 

i love you both <3

my sisters from another mother lol!

hands on me.

I first saw you at the video exchange
I know my heart and it will never change
This temp work would be alright if you'd call me
You'd call me
I lay awake at night for you
And I pray

We'd cross the deepest oceans
Cargo across the sea
And if you don't believe me
Just put your hands on me
And all the constellations
Shine down for us to see
And if you don't believe me
Just put your hands on me

The subway radiates with heat
We've barely met and still I cross the street to your door

We'd cross the deepest oceans
Cargo across the sea
And if you don't believe me
Just put your hands on me
And all the constellations
Shine down for us to see
And if you don't believe me
Just put your hands on me

Someday when our stories are told
They'll tell of a love like this
When our descendents are all growing old
1,000 years they'll be singing

We'll climb Tibetan mountains
Where we can barely breathe
I'll see the Dali Lama
I'll feel him blessing me
And all the constellations
Shine down for us to see
And if you don't believe me
Just put your hands on me
Your hands on me

you are the one i wanna talk to every night, the one person i think of every morning when i wake up, the one i wanna send good morning to every single morning. and the one i wanna love. i never regret every single time i say 'i love you' to you. its the one thing i will never fail to tell you everyday, not to impress you, but to remind you how much i love you :) and if i ever made you mad, i wanna say im sorry, and i will TRY not to do it again, cause baby whenever i make u mad, its the last thing i would ever wanna do. and i'll make it up to you ;) *winkwink*  LOL

i love you baby, till death do us apart.

1month18days and still counting <3

x

ever since what happened, you totally change. it's like a whole new person im seeing everyday.
stuff you say, things you do. i really wish i could help you, but no matter what i do, it's all about you.
if u dont have faith in yourself, its not gonna change anything. if only you can stop complaining and actually do something to make the situation better :(

the both of you are the only thing i have, no one can ever replace you.

you think im fine with all this? im not. waking up everyday thinking about the same thing. wondering when is it gonna end. i just wish we can start all over again, i know it is hard to forgive and forget, ohwell, we have to.


and to my dear boyfriend,
you are the one i love most, you are the one i want to stay with forever. i know,to you, forever doesnt exist. den let me show you what forever is. i'll prove you wrong. since the day we got together, thats when the book of my life lit up. flip through every single page, ure there :) and i want this to go on. i want you to be in every single chapter of my life. and baby, i'll always be there for you. through all your ups and downs. no matter how bad things will end up. i'll be there. every single thing i do now, its all about us. ure my other half :) you complete me. without you im lost. i love you baby!!!! <3 mwahs!!!!

x

this week isnt a good one for me, too many things happened. 
things that i never expect to happen, happened. 
people i thought that will never be in this shit, oh well, they are.
there is so many things in my head. so many questions that will never be answered.
why are you doing this to me? you are the one i trusted, the one i look up to.
now, im confused. i don't know how to face you. how am i suppose to talk to you.
i wish i could turn back time and stop all this shit from happening.
you broke my heart, not only mine, but ours.
i don't know how could i ever trust you again. 


for now, i don't wanna be involved. i just want to spend time alone.
away from all this, with him. 
i just hope all this will go away real soon.

now that she's gone, i hope things will be better. 

ure the one.

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car
He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel
The other on my heart
I look around, turn the radio down
He says baby is something wrong?
I say nothing I was just thinking how we don't have a song
And he says...

Our song is a slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "Man I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... 'fore I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again

I was walking up the front porch steps after everything that day
Had gone all wrong and been trampled on
And lost and thrown away
Got to the hallway, well on my way to my lovin' bed
I almost didn't notice all the roses
And the note that said...

I've heard every album, listened to the radio
Waited for something to come along
That was as good as our song...

Cause our song is a slamming screen door
Sneaking out late, tapping on his window
When we're on the phone and he talks real slow
Cause it's late and his mama don't know
Our song is the way he laughs
The first date "man, I didn't kiss him, and I should have"
And when I got home, 'fore I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin
And I... wrote down our song

teacup yorkshire terrier !! ure gonna be mine soon haha idc! :p

tomorrow is gonna be a busy day! mom's having open hse .__.

and i have to help out. dammit! haha

anyways, look at the bright side :D more angpaus to collect ( i hope ) 

hahahaha! im broke, so i need more $$$$$$ 

WOOOTS!

toodless for now! going to my aunt's open house :D

LOVES! <3

fuck u! ergh!! what did i do for u?!
a lot u bitch!! im always doing everything. my sister?! she can go fk herself for all i care!
ure always on her side, who is on my side?! no one!

i love you. but sometimes, i really cant read whats in that mind of urs.
i just dont want the same mistakes to happen again. 
this might sound silly, but i wanna spend all my life with u.
when i see u, i see my future. baby, you're the one for me.
i need somebody who loves me, and i know you wont break my heart.
and we will never part. 

Lately, I've been tryna fight whatever's pulling us under
it's got a hold and really making me wonder
what it takes to get through
I gotta stick with you, my baby 

Baby tell me
Maybe I'm foolishly overreacting
But being without you I can't imagine
It's just to close to the heart and
And I won't stand it if were broken apart 

Do you hear me?
Baby ya gotta believe in the things that make you and me win together
Don't you throw in the towel
I'm keeping my promise to you I got ya back now
When the chips are down
It seems like it's so hard for you to move ahead
Just know that I am by your side
There aint no ifs, buts, or maybes,
I'm gonna stay down and ride for you baby

We've been cutting it close with the backwards and forwards
It's rocking the boat; we gotta get control of this
Let's take it back to three years ago
When you said that we could make it through whatever, ever
And to me it sounded like you meant forever, ever

Leaving was not an option, baby, never, never

Now don't you believe in a love that's worth a fight

In you is everything that I'm missing
So give us a chance

Don't you dare tell me we gotta let it go...
We been on top for too long just to let it go under
I don't wanna hear that
I just can't hear that
and know
Wherever you wanna take me
I'll go
I been with you for too long to start over with another
I know that you hear me
Just tell me you hear me

having you in my life is a right thing to do. no regrets. ups and downs, we'll go through it together.
you're my baby love. 

i love you baby :)

three words. eight letters. and i'm all yours  <3

college is fun! dayuumm!! lol
but assignments and homeworks are killing me!
ergh. some people think college life is fun
hahahahaha i dont think so. its kind of complicated
well, my parents are the very over-protective type.
i cant go clubbing. i cant always go out :(
USED TO IT! haha but still! come on, im a college girl.

but, haha mum dont question me a lot anymore.
like who am i on the phone with and all. haha
what she ask is. any hot guy in school?
HAHA love her! <3

anyways! gtg, will continue some other time! LOVES

Seems like college life is not that fun after all. everyone is moving on, to their own path for their career. Jia yin left to uk :( now its only Syanas and i. but no worries Jiayin. after i finish my Foundations and Syanas with her A levels. We're gonna meet again at uk :D I'll try to go in to Cardiff. that depends on my results, i hope i pass my freakin foundations.

Jiayin n Syanas,
You both mean the world to me. nothing else in this world can replace the both of you. i love u bitches! and this is not the end, we still have long long way to go. our friendship is like a pathway, a pathway which will never end.